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Why are you here? I'm over here now:

Acts of the Apostasy...on WordPress!

Click the link and read all the new stuff! Your friends are over there waiting for you!

Instant "Acts"ess

You're one click away from AoftheA's most recent posts:

Today Is The Day
Get ready for it.
Okay Then, That Was Unexpected...
Church Art Shouldn't Make You Say "Blech!"
Or cringe.
Cardinal Urges Priests To Liven Up Sermons
I got some ideas...
New Translation Objections Are Becoming More Ridiculous
Grasping at straws...
This Comes As No Surprise
Up with the ex-communicated!
Things A Catholic Ought Never Say
Watch your mouth!
Sister Patricia: On Seven Quick-Takes Friday
Catching up with Sr Pat.
Just Thought You'd Like To Know...
A public service announcement.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Prayers And Intentions

Readers - I'll be spending time int he presence of our Lord in Eucharistic Adoration this Saturday, Oct 1 at 7:00 AM EST. If you'd like, I can join your prayers and intentions with mine. Please leave them in the combox.

Scripture says "The prayers of a righteous man availeth much", but I'm hoping in my case, the good Lord makes an exception.

What Would The Saints Drive?

Here's an end-of-the-week thought exercise for you readers - which cars would the saints drive?

For instance -

Mary, Mother of God, would naturally drive a Fiat.

The Kia Soul would be a favorite of St. Therese of Lisieux and St. John of the Cross.

Blesseds Jacinta & Francisco Marto - from Fatima - they'd opt for the Plymouth Sundance.

St. Longinus would own a Dodge Lancer.

Noah would drive -what else? - the Toyota Noah. Of course, it seats 8.

Put your thinking caps on and add your submissions to the combox. The punnier the better - no sanctimonious esoteric answers, please. You want that - go to Vox Nova.

(update) once again, the axiom "nothing new under the sun" is proven, as Jeff at The Curt Jester had posted on this topic nearly 7 years ago - with pictures, no less! Crazy minds think alike, I suppose...

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Greeting Cards For Heretics

Earlier this week, it was reported that Hallmark has started selling unemployment sympathy cards. I guess it's a nice way to show someone who's lost their job that you care - although I have to think that they'd rather get a new job than a card, but hey. It's the thought that counts.

But then I realized...there are no cards for womynpreests and politicians who have ex-communicated themselves. Sure, it's a small niche market, but it's one that's growing. Some folks have gotten automatic ex-communications - like the womynpreests, for example - while others have been told not to present themselves for communion - such as former rep Patrick Kennedy of Rhode Island. Did anyone think to send him a card? I don't believe so.

Maybe it's an idea whose time has come. Here are four suggestions - for the womynpreest or politician in your life - each one showing the outside of the card and its corresponding heartfelt message inside.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Final Results

The 6th (and final?) Cannonball Catholic Blog anti-Awards have concluded over at the Crescat, and the votes have been tallied.

Many thanks are due. Because of all you readers, Acts of The Apostasy was selected Snarkiest Blog - for the second year in a row, I might add - and tied for first in the Most Hifreakinlarious Blog with the ever-pleasant Minnesotan The Ironic Catholic.

Which means one of you out there failed to cast your vote. Shame on you!

In all seriousness, I'm honored to share the anti-title with IC - her blog was one of the inspirations for AoftheA. Her light humor, wretched puns and bright wit serve to make The Ironic Catholic an oasis of refreshing reading - never strident and always charitable.

And congrats to all the other blogs that won in their categories - how's it feel to be recognized for being more average than everyone else? As for all the other nominated blogs? Sure, you're losers and all, thing I like about the Cannonballs is the exposure to other blogs I hadn't heard of before, discovering other Catholic bloggers' unique ways of expressing their faith, what it means to them, and how they're working out their salvation with fear and blogging. Or is it blogging and trembling? Well, whichever. Point is, there are a lot of great sites in the Catholic blogosphere, and I'm very grateful there are a handful of readers who like stopping by here.

Regular scheduled blogging will be resuming shortly...

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Reminder: Last Day For Voting!!

Today's the last day to vote in the Cannonball Catholic Blog Anti-awards. Which means if you're reading this today, Sunday September 25, and it's not quite Midnight EST, you still have time to cast your vote. The Ironic Catholic is trying to close the gap with yours truly in the Most Hifreakinlarious category. My first place lead is slimming.

Let today's second reading from St Paul's Letter to the Philippians be your guide:

Brothers and sisters:
If there is any encouragement in Christ,
any solace in love,
any participation in the Spirit,
any compassion and mercy,
complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love,
united in heart, thinking one thing.
Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory;
rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves,
each looking out not for his own interests,
but also for those of others.
See? What this is saying is that The Ironic Catholic, in a sign of joyful unselfishness, wants you to vote for me. She desires an increase in humility and she's looking out for others' interests, not her own. She hopes that all of you are united in heart, thinking one thing: vote for Acts of the Apostasy. She's striving to humbly regard others as more important than herself - what a wonderful example for the rest of us! So do the right thing, and help The Ironic Catholic grow in holiness - vote for AoftheA. Thanks.

*UPDATE* - T-minus 6 hours to when the polls close, and AoftheA has an 11 vote lead on The IC. You guys are really do a great job in helping her achieve holiness! Keep up the good work!

Friday, September 23, 2011

I Went To Confession Today...

...because you never know when a six-ton satellite falling from space will smack you upside the head.

Best to be prepared.

Watch your heads.

All I Really Need To Know About Blogging I Learned In Kindergarten

  • Blog fair.
  • Don't blog with scissors.
  • Don't hit people with your blog.
  • Clean up your own messy blog.
  • Don't blog about things that aren't yours.
  • Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody with your blog.
  • Wash your hands before you blog. And wash out your mouth after you blog, if need be.
  • Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you after blogging.
  • Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work and blog every day some.
  • Take a nap before blogging - and after, if necessary.
  • When you blog out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
  • Be aware of wonder - and blog about that.
  • Goldfish and hamsters and white mice - they all die. So will our blogs.
  • And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - LOOK. Look before you blog.
Blog unto others as you would have them blog unto you.

Lessons I'm still learning.

(adapted from Robert Fulghum)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Adopt-A-Priestess Project - An Update

Well, the Adopt-A-Priestess Project has been in existence for more than six months now, and I thought y'all would appreciate a brief update.

Participants continue to sign up, which is awesome. I never imagined it would have generated such interest - so I'm right humbled by everyone's generosity and charity. Just yesterday, the 105th person asked for a womynpreest (provided my math is right). Each name on the original list has at least one person praying for them! Deo gratias!

And I say "original list", because since this project started, a few more women have been ordained (mostly deacons), or have been absorbed into the RCWP collective. I've gone through their updated list, cross-referenced the original one, and have come up with 13 more people to pray for - from the US, Canada, Europe (all from Germany) and even a couple from South America.

Would you consider joining? Pray over it, and if you want to participate, let me know in the combox and I'll respond by giving you a name. Or two...

Click here to read the original post, for the background to the Adopt-A-Priestess Project.

p.s. In the off-chance that Sasha reads this: the woman you've been praying for, Iris Muller, passed away recently, in case you didn't know.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

If St.John Had Blogged Revelation...


Another Vision Of An Angel

Sorry about the delay between posts, everyone. It's been storming the past few days, and I think a lightning strike fried my modem the other night. I was just able to get back on-line this morning.

Anyway, here's my latest vision...

Then I saw another mighty angel coming down from heaven, wrapped in a cloud, with a rainbow over his head, and his face was like the sun, and his legs like pillars of fire. He had a little scroll open in his hand. And he set his right foot on the sea, and his left foot on the land, and called out with a loud voice, like a lion roaring; when he called out, the seven thunders had sounded. And when the seven thunders had sounded, I was about to write, but I heard a voice from heaven saying, "Seal up what the seven thunders have said, and do not write it down."

And the angel whom I saw standing on sea and land lifted up his right hand to heaven and swore by him who lives for ever and ever, who created heaven and what is in it, the earth and what is in it, and the sea and what is in it, that there should be no more delay, but that in the days of the trumpet call to be sounded by the seventh angel, the mystery of God, as he announced to his servants the prophets, should be fulfilled.

Then the voice which I had heard from heaven spoke to me again, saying, "Go, take the scroll which is open in the hand of the angel who is standing on the sea and on the land." So I went to the angel and told him to give me the little scroll; and he said to me. "Take it and eat; it will be bitter to your stomach, but sweet as honey in your mouth." And I took the little scroll from the hand of the angel and ate it; it was sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it my stomach was made bitter. And I was told, "You must again prophesy about many peoples and nations and tongues and kings."




Bardus Skepticus said...

You keep claiming these are "visions from God", but where's your proof? You could be just experiencing hallucinations that anybody who's been exiled on an island would probably have.


Polycarp said...

...a lightning strike fried my modem...

John - you ought to get a surge protector.


Magnus Bopperitus said...

OK, let me get this straight. This angel comes out of the sky, it's legs made of fire, and it stands with one foot in the water, but his fire leg doesn't go out? That makes no sense at all.


Flavius Flava Flave said...

That makes no sense at all.

Well, whaddya expect? These are the same people who claim that a Nazarene carpenter was raised from the dead. They claim he 'multiplied' some bread and fish, too, but everyone knows that the crowds brought their own food. Reason and logic will never get through their thick heads.


Papias of Hierapolis said...

Magnus, these are visions. A gift from God. They are similar to dreams in that they must be interpreted in order to be better understood. Before succumbing to doubt and derision, I counsel that we wait until John's visions cease before we try to interpret them.


Anonymous said...

Well, I was interested in these visions up until a couple weeks ago where John said he saw seven angels blowing trumpets, and there were flaming mountains falling from the sky and fire and brimstone, and then a bunch of the horses blew sulfur and smoke out their nostrils, killing a third of humanity...combine that with the seven seals business, and I'm chalking this up as more hackneyed apocalyptic literature that's all the rage these days. Yawn.


Polycarp said...

Papias, don't feed the trolls, man.


Justinian said...

IMHO, I don't think it's prudent to follow any apparition or locution that hasn't been approved by someone in authority.


John the Evangelist said...

I'll try to respond to your comments.

Bardus - we've had this discussion before. Visions are different than hallucinations, in that hallucinations are typically accepted by the subject as being reality, whereby I know that these visions are not reality, but signs and wonders revealed to me by God, either as allegorical or representations of some future, unknown event. These visions are not for my benefit, but I believe they are for the benefit of others, for the benefit of those who believe.

Polycarp - did that. When the modem got replaced, the tech threw in a surge protector. And your advice to Papias is most wise.

Flavius - no miracle of the multiplication of loaves and fishes? What, were you there??? If that miracle was false, along with the claim of Jesus' resurrection, along with all the other miracles that have been recorded, would I then be willingly exiled...for a bunch of lies? Give it some thought - apply some of that reason and logic.

Justinian - the apostle Paul said to test all things, and retain what is true. As one who knew Jesus personally, and cared for His mother, is not my word a sufficient test? Still, your difficulty in accepting my visions does not indicate a weakness in faith on your part, only a pure willingness to submit to proper authority. Perhaps some day in the future, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, these words I speak and visions I witness will be as authoritative as the Torah itself. But that would be God's will, not mine.


Bardus Skepticus said...

As I pointed out on a previous post, the crucial thing your story is lacking is a control group. Without a control group, there's no way to prove you're having visions (fine - I'll use your word if it makes you happy) and not just making stuff up.


John the Evangelist said...

...your story is lacking is a control group.

And just how many followers of The Way are exiled on islands, exactly?


Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work, John. We're praying for you here in Ephesus!


Simeon of Smyrna said...

I bet some people 2000 years from now will take all these visions literally...


Polycarp said...

Flavius Flava Flave - I've known John for many years. I have never known him to lie about anything.

Simeon - LOL! That is if Jesus doesn't triumphantly return by then!


Demetrius said...

And I was told, "You must again prophesy about many peoples and nations and tongues and kings."

Wow! More prophesies! Can't wait!


Just Another Happy Roman Citizen said...

I can't believe the junk you "followers of the Way" believe. This is precisely why the Roman Empire will crush your little religion and rule the world for centuries! Nice knowin' ya, losers!


Monday, September 19, 2011

Talk Like A Pirate Day - Catholic Blogs

(In honor of International Talk Like A Pirate! Day, I've invited Catholic convert Malcolm Creed, captain of the vessel Apostate Bane, as guest poster. He's posted twice before, here and here)

Aaarr, mateys! This be Cap'n Malcolm Creed of th' blessed schooner Apostate Bane, sailin' the wide waters of this fair globe seekin' out 'eretical bilge rats aimin' t' scuttle the Barque of St. Peter. Most days I track th' scurvy crew of the NCAAAAARRR, a black spot o' blatherers to be sure. But I have me some time to scrawl out a letter 'ere at the fine blog Acts o' the 'postasy - many thanks t' LarryD. He may be addled in th' 'ead - prolly from too much spoilt grog an' such - but he be a fair carouser, ably defendin' the 'oly Cath'lic Church from all her blaggard foes, aye, that be true.

Ye may be askin' yerself what a sea-farin' Christ-followin' pirate does in his free time. Aye, in th' past, afore my won'drous conversion, I'd pass th' time enjoyin' a jolly keel-haulin' or two, th' 'cassional plank walk as well, and praps some canoodlin' wi' a saucy wench, sharin' a jug of sweet Jamaican rum. But now that I've 'cepted laws of th' Church an' seek to love me neighbor an' not carve 'im with me cutlass, I've changed me ways. Aaarr, I'm still on the account, ne'er 'twill that be changed - I sail fer justice an' peace an' His righteousness, rather than mere pieces o'eight, if ye unnderstan' me thinkin'.

On Sundays an' 'oly Days of Obligation, I put in t' port fer Mass an' showin' honor t' the Lord's Day. I also 'ead t' the village Starbucks (aye, where else would a pirate go?) an' scour th' Innernet fer upliftin' reads t' encourage me faith an' catch up on th' news. Lemme tell ye landlubbers - thar ain't no 'liable 4G cov'rage on the high seas, aye, that be true.

Ye might be in'trested in th' blogs I ascribe to. Here be but a few that I finds more valu'ble than a hold full of gold and more fun than a bottomless cup o' th' finest ale:

The Aaarrrronic Catholic
The Addled Fool O' God
The Dark Lord O' Despair
The Aaarrrrchbold's
The Grand Duchess O' Idaho
Standin' On Me 'Ead (Tis Better Than Swingin' From Me Neck!)
Kickin' 'n Screamin' (me first thought when I saw this 'ere blog was that i'twere 'bout livin' on th' account, an' how me old enemies acted afore goin' down to Davy's cold locker! Arrr!)

There be plenty others, t' be sure, but I needs t' be headin' back t' sea. Aye, there be good reads 'vailable t' ye landlubbers, but know this: there be none better than th' Good Book isself. In fact, me good mate Fr. Pete 'as a right true version of Psalm 23 - do ye heart right an' read it.

Of course, an Aaarrr Father or two wouldn't hurt ye none either.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

It's On

Okay, time to put aside all the pretentious stuff. Let's focus on what counts.

When it comes to blogging, all that matters is...

The 6th Annual Cannonball Catholic Blogs Anti-Awards. They're on.

Yours truly has been nominated in two categories: Most Hifreakinlarious and Snarkiest Blog. Click the link, and vote for me. Multiple times even - you can blog once per twenty-four hours, you know. Just pretend you're a liberal or a union member or even a dead person from Chicago - just vote lots and lots.

Don't make me come over there and make you.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

"If You Love Me..."

Earlier this week - yesterday, in fact - President Obama went to the University of North Carolina to campaign for his new jobs bill, and he actually told the attendees:

"If you love me, you've got to help me pass this jobs bill."

Seriously, he said that. Can you imagine if other world leaders and famous persons had used that line?

President Ronald Reagan: "Gorbachev, if you love me, then tear down this wall!"

Bill Clinton: "Monica, if you love me..." Actually, he probably did use that line. Moving on...

John F Kennedy: "If you love me, then ask not what the country can do for you, but what you can do for the country!"

Churchill: "If you love me, you will never surrender!"

Or how about famous movie lines:

Dirty Harry: "If you love me, then go ahead and make my day."

Jerry Maguire: "If you love me, show me the money!"

Napoleon Dynamite: "If you love me, you've got to vote for Pedro."

Star Wars: "If you love me, you've got to use the Force, Luke."

The Godfather: "If you love me, leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

Jaws: "If you love me, you're gonna need a bigger boat."

Airplane: "Surely you can't be serious!" "I am serious, and if you love me, stop calling me Shirley!"

Leave your own in the combox. Let's have a little fun. That is, if you love me...

Pat Robertson...

...does for marriage what he did for earthquakes. Which is make himself look like an idiot.
Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson told his "700 Club" viewers that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer's is justifiable because the disease is "a kind of death."

During the portion of the show where the one-time Republican presidential candidate takes questions from viewers, Robertson was asked what advice a man should give to a friend who began seeing another woman after his wife started suffering from the incurable neurological disorder.

"I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her," Robertson said.

Sheesh - would even Ann Landers give advice like that?

Sadly, this "pursuit of happiness" mindset pervades so many facets of life, that a lot of professed Christians get the God-given right wrong and misapply it. Myself included - the temptation to always "do what I want" instead of "doing what I ought" is difficult to resist. There's heroic virtue in suffering, and so many folks don't get it. Folks like Robertson, obviously - you'd think he'd know better.

Instead, he further weakens traditional marriage. This is another sign that so-called gay marriage isn't the greatest threat to marriage (don't get me wrong - it is a great threat, but not the greatest). It's divorce - by eradicating the permanence of marriage, the institution becomes about as meaningful as a car lease: fun for a few years until the magic wears off or stuff starts to break down, so just trade in the current model for a younger, flashier one.

Thanks for nothing, Pat.

h/t Mark Shea

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Jesus Had A Morphogenic Field!!

And He spread morphic resonance! No, really, it's true! I read about it in the National Catholyc Distorter! It's in an article written by Sharon Abercrombie -
[...] Judy Cannato’s thoughts on morphic resonance from her book The Field of Compassion came to mind.

Now, Rupert Sheldrake’s biological theory that “like attracts like,” would seem to be a Universe away from a Dr. Seuss story, but is it? According to Cannato:

“[G]enetic material alone cannot account for the development of living systems. Sheldrake proposes that systems are surrounded by non-visible fields that carry information or memory from one generation to the next, thus making a new behavior patterns easier to learn. …The human person is a field of energy and information rooted in the body but extending out from the body, interacting with the energy and information of others. None of us is a discreet, separate unit, but an integrated system of interactions and relationships connected to all.”

Cannato suggests that we can alter our energy and information fields by the choices we make…and “can become increasing aware of who we are and how we influence our environment, and that we can and must make choices that are life-giving for all.”

Using the image of the morphogenic field as a template, she says, “we can look at the mission of Jesus. Although he never could have used these words, Jesus was about creating a morphogenic field, one in which love is the standard operating procedure and genuine concern for the other is the behavioral norm.”


I never knew that about Jesus, did you? He didn't come to die for our sins and defeat Death by rising from the grave and start a Church. Nope, He was about creating a morphogenic field...whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. Did He plow it with morphogenic oxen under a morphogenic yoke? What kind of morphogenic crops do you grow in a morphogenic field? Would you be eligible for morphogenic subsidies?

Okay, the stuff about fields and yokes and subsidies was uncalled for. This is serious business, because these fields are the key to our planet's survival. Because the author says so.

Cannato believes that the only way to save the entire planet will come from “a groundswell of compassion that changes destructive systems into life-giving communities in which we all live life to the full.” She holds that such a groundswell would be a sign of the fulfillment of our religious tradition.

Right, because Jesus told the disciples in the Great Transmission: "Therefore go and make disciples of all the nations, transmitting your positive fields of energy and information, teaching them to save the planet with good vibrations and life-giving behavioral norms. Peace out, dudes."

Now, Abercrombie asks: Could we be seeing morphogenic fields of action in motion right now?

Unfortunately, no. Morphogenic fields are invisible. You can't see these energy and information fields with the naked eye. Nope - you need special eyewear to detect morphogenic fields. BUT - AoftheA SmartA** Mfg just happens to produce and distribute Morphogenic Field Detection GogglesTM - and with these beauties on, you can observe these energy fields.

So what do these fields look like?

Comparison photos describe them best. First, here's a photo of Sharon Abercrombie, contributor to the "Eco Catholic" column at the Distorter, as seen without the Morphogenic Field Detection GogglesTM:

And here she is as viewed through the Morphogenic Field Detection GogglesTM:


It's inadvisable to use the Morphogenic Field Detection GogglesTM for extended periods of time. Proper use of the goggles will help you to avoid people who display such highly erratic field patterns. I can't emphasize this enough - steer clear! Extended exposure to such fields will suck the common sense out of you, rendering you susceptible to asinine ideas about Catholic theology and the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Should Gays Be Allowed To Donate Blood?

It's an issue that has been discussed - and continues to be discussed.

Last Friday, the UK decided to lift the ban on prohibiting gays from donating blood.

From Times Of India: UK Lifts Ban, Says Gays Can Donate Blood
LONDON: Britain said Thursday it was lifting a ban on gay men giving blood providing they have had not had sexual intercourse within a year.

A lifetime ban on blood donation by gay men was introduced in Britain in the 1980s as a response to the spread of AIDS and HIV.

But a review by a panel of leading experts and patient groups found it could no longer support their exclusion. However, gay men who have had anal or oral sex the past 12 months will still be barred from donating blood, the department of health said.

But then, just four days later, in what could be considered Tragic Irony, there's this from the Daily Mail Online:

Medics Infect 23 Children With HIV After Giving Them Contaminated Blood Transfusions In India

Twenty-three children suffering from a rare genetic disorder have been infected with HIV after receiving tainted blood in western India, it emerged today.

All the children had received free transfusions at a government-run hospital in the Junagadh district of Gujarat state between January and August.

The youngsters, who are all from poor families, all suffer from thalassemia, a genetic disorder that requires regular transfusions.

Thalassemia is an inherited blood disorder that causes the body to not produce the correct globulin protein, creating unusable blood and resulting in anaemia.

State government spokesman Jai Narayan Vyas said a team of doctors has been sent to investigate.

How very sad. Tragic. Children and their poor families suffering with one blood disorder now have to deal with a second disease. The source of the infected blood has yet to be determined, but it's more than likely that it came from an HIV-positive donor. It could have come from anybody - perhaps the donor was a homosexual man. Maybe not, but the chances are good. Perhaps better than good.

Bottom line - I think the UK's policy change is terrible. And there are groups in the US clamoring for the same change. Maybe instead of relying on the gays' word that they've kept their privates out of the intestines of another man for at least a year, why not just test their blood prior to donating? In fact, why not do that for everybody? You know, for the children? It's not like the gays will die from being prohibited to donate, will they? Unlike an unwitting patient?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

9/11 - 10 Years After

All that I had wanted to say regarding 9/11 has been already been said - none better than by Dymphna at Dymphna's Road:
Contrary to what our elites may tell you 9/11 is not Be Nice to Muslims Day nor is it Go to a School and Paint Yet Another Ugly Mural Day. Remember the dead. Have mercy on those who were lost, especially those who were not in a state of grace and did not have time to recollect themselves. Please pray for them. Anything else is a betrayal.

Don't forget him. Don't forget them.
Amen. Remembering 9/11 is not about trying to make ourselves feel better.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Theology +

Organic Chemistry

"Amine, amine, I say unto you..."

Since Christ's Ascension into Heaven, we have been living in the enzymes.

The Book of Ester comes after the Book of Judith.

"And they cast out many devils, and anointed with oil many that were sick, and Helium." (Mk 6:13)

We must love our enamines and pray for our persecutors.

"Two frequent temptations threaten prayer: lack of faith and acidity..." [CCC 275]

The three theological virtues are faith, hope and chirality.*

King David committed adultery with Bathsheba, the wife of Urea the Hittite.

"Then they Cesium and led him away, bringing him into the high priest's house." (Lk 22:54)

OK, you punsters - put on your thinking caps and add your own in the combox.

*Yes, it's pronounced
'kahy-RAL-i-ty', so it's a stretch. But I like the way it looks.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Call-to-Action T-shirt Slogan Contest

The Call-to-Apostasy Kids - they call themselves "CTA 20/30" - is sponsoring a Call-to-Action T-shirt slogan contest at their Facebook page.

Sad thing is...since posting this on their wall on September 2, they've had zero suggestions. I guess when you only have 138 likes, you're not likely to get many suggestions.

But - AoftheA is here to help! And all you readers are encouraged to contribute. I'm sure that between myself and all of you, we can come up with a whole slew of ideas for them to choose from. And here's the added bonus - if your idea gets picked, you get a free T-shirt! Awesome!

I'll get it started:

Call-to-Action: Gay, Gray and Betray!

CTA: Tolerance for thee, but not for me!

Walking The Wide Road For Justice

[Front] Moses Wandered 40 Years In The Desert... [Back] ...Which Means We Only Have 5 More To Go! (CTA 1976 - 2011)

CTA: Where Everyone Gets To Be Pope!

I Am The Megesterium!

Leave your suggestions in the combox. Typically, you guys come up with better material, so I'm looking forward to some good laughs (just keep it clean! That's all I ask).

Now the question becomes - do I forward these suggestions?

ht James at Orate Fratres.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Muppets Go PC

No, this isn't a post on whether or not Bert and Ernie should "get married". This is about the new Muppets movie hitting the theatres this Thanksgiving. Needless to say, I'm not going to waste my dollars on this one. Which is a shame, cos I was actually looking forward to this until I read the synopsis.

From moviefone:
One of this fall's most eagerly anticipated movies is 'The Muppets.' The November 23 release marks the return of the funny, fuzzy fauna to the big screen after a 12-year absence. The story, co-written by actor/screenwriter/fan Jason Segel, sees Segel, Amy Adams and a new Muppet named Walter play 'Muppet Show' fans who stumble across a plot by oil baron Chris Cooper to raze the dilapidated old Muppet Theater and drill for crude on the property. The Muppet fans decide to save the theater by mounting a stage-show fundraiser, but to do that, they need to reunite Kermit and the gang, who have scattered to the four winds.
Oh noes, the eeeevilllls of Big Oil! Not only does Big Oil kill the environment and endanger countless of species, it's apparently really bad for foam-and-wire, human-operated puppet-like things. Which I believe are plastic-based. And plastics come from oil. But whatever.

Seems like Hollywood - and in this case, Disney - can't come up with actual villains to root against and has to once again, indoctrinate the kiddies in how evil and terrible capitalism is. Which means they won't be charging for tickets, right, because they aren't interested in making a profit? No? I didn't think so.

Just once I'd like to see a movie where characters get together to prevent the nefarious plots of a truly eeeeeevillll organization, like Planned Parenthood or the NEA or the Democrat National Committee or FannieMae/FreddieMac. But who am I kidding?

So Just What Is A "Catholyc" Anyway?

What's it mean? Who's it referring to?

The charge of name-calling was leveled at me sometime ago, so I feel a post dedicated to the term is in order.

First of all - I didn't coin it. I have no idea who originated it or in what context it was used. I first saw the word "Catholyc" at Tom Peters' American Papist blog, before he merged with So it's been awhile.

In any case, I liked it. So why do I use it? What's the official AoftheA context?

Simple - I use the term to refer to Catholic groups, organizations, publications and those who publicly support such outfits whose objectives are clearly in direct contrast and opposition to Catholic teaching and doctrine; who seek to lead others into error and confusion, thus wounding the Body of Christ - His Church; who stand in defiance of Tradition and magisterial teaching and urge others to do the same.

Call-to-Action? Yep. Catholics For Choice? Bingo. Elephants In The Room? Bullseye. Roman Catholic Women Priests? You betcha. National Catholic Reporter? Absolutely. In my sidebar, I include a list of "Wandering Tribes" - it's not exhaustive by any stretch, but it represents some of the major groups that seek to break down and redefine the Catholic faith, while at the same time, consider themselves to be "Catholic".

Do I call those groups names? I sure do - came up with a couple clever ones, if I say so myself. Why? I happen to think the names I've come up with better represent their ideas and philosophies and intent. "Call-to-Apostasy" is more accurate than "Call-to-Action", IMHO. Yes, I know - their members are made in the image and likeness of God, and they were baptized into the Catholic Church. Tell me something I don't know. It's the GROUPS and their IDEAS that I'm satirizing, not the individuals. I did start that "Adopt-A-Priestess" program, after all. The commandment is "Love thy enemies" - which means individuals. We're also commanded to treat those who disagree with the Church as tax collectors and Gentiles.

In fact, I wrote about this more than two years ago in response to a commenter. Here's part of that response:
In order for this blog to be pathetic, it'd be defending heterodox positions of individuals and groups (Call-to-Action, Catholics for Choice, VOTF, WOC, etc) intent on destroying Christ's Church, rather than exposing them to the light. I do not trash people - I trash the harmful and dangerous ideas certain people espouse. We are all created in the image and likeness of God, and baptized Catholics have a great responsibility to carry Christ's message to the world faithfully - and when certain individuals and groups don't, I have a responsibility, as a baptized Catholic, to point it out and do what I can to keep others from straying. The people I talk about are dangerous people, and in my opinion, they have abrogated their responsibility to lead others to the truth. The Truth who is Jesus Christ. They are seeking to fragment the Church - which is a very silly thing to do. Therefore, I point out their silly actions using satire, parody and humor. Do I go for the cheap laugh? Yeah, I admit it. It's because I hide my poor theological understanding and lack of intellectualism behind puerile childish humor. You figured me out.
Let me be clear. I'm not talking about Patty and Paul Pewsitter. Like to hold hands during the Our Father? Maybe slouch on the kneeler during consecration? Perhaps you don't make a sign of reverence before receiving Holy Communion. Heck - maybe you decide to not assist at Mass every Sunday. Or - *gasp!* - you might even prefer the Novus Ordo over the Extraordinary Form!

I really don't care - I don't carry a Bowing Protractor with me to determine the appropriate Sign of Reverence Angle, and I don't grind my teeth at folks who receive Holy Communion in the hand. I'm in no position to judge people I don't know. I'm in no position to judge their motives nor their level of the understanding of the faith. Doesn't mean I never do it - never said I was perfect - but I try my hardest not to do it here, on this blog. We're all at different points along the path to holiness and sanctification. I just do the best I can, battle along in perseverance and leave the rest in God's hands. I know what sort of miserable sinner I am - which is no one's business but mine, my spiritual adviser and Christ. And unless someone asks me for my advice - on a purely personal level - I keep my mouth shut.

But the actions, words and ideas of the Wandering Tribes? Their intentions are public, their motives are fairly well-defined, their heterodox hooligans deserve orthodox commentary. I choose to call them Catholyc. That's it.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Al Gore Wants Your Twitter And Facebook For A Day

Al Gore's latest climate crisis alarmist claptrap is coming up next week - called "The Event", courtesy of the "Climate Reality Project". Sounds like a digital religious revival, with the Goracle presiding. Here's a quote from the site:
24 Hours of Reality will focus the world’s attention on the full truth, scope, scale and impact of the climate crisis. To remove the doubt. Reveal the deniers. And catalyze urgency around an issue that affects every one of us.

Al Gore

"Reveal the deniers"? Sounds like Inquisition-speak to me. See - it is a religion with these folks.

But the kicker has to be allowing AlGore and his ilk to use your Twitter and Facebook accounts to help spread the word. You don't have to do anything - just "donate" 24 hour access to your personal pages and and let him spread the wunnerfulness about his personal income-increasing, wealth-growing, pocket-lining international boonswaggle. He'll put up the messages, he'll spread his Guileful Gospel Of Global Gloom-n-doom, right there under your name. And you get squat (except for that gooey feeling of having helped to "save the planet" - isn't that special?) while AlGore gets to spread the donations amongst his 'friends' - and his wallet. Losers.

(click to enlargify)

And apparently a lot of losers have already signed up. Now, if I've offended any readers who have volunteered their Twitter and Facebook accounts to this charlatan - tough toenails. It's true - you are losers. You've lost the capacity to think for yourselves, and you've abdicated rational objective reasoning for hyper-emotional response-driven activism, with the only payoff being the fleeting feeling of being smug and superior. Meanwhile, while you bask in the glow of your shallow smugness and sugary superiority, hundreds of thousands in Somalia will die of starvation, countless thousands in Haiti will continue to suffer in squalor from the earthquake, and millions of unborn children will be murdered worldwide each year. But hey - as long as you feel good about helping the environment that has zero capacity for appreciation or awareness of the idiocy of your actions, or lack thereof - it's all good, right?

A sign of the encroaching barbarism - a return to the Dark Ages of nature worship and pantheism that expresses no remorse in contributing to human misery.

h/t Story Balloon

Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Four Chord Formula

Something for the weekend -

And now you know why pop songs all sound so similar.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Catholyc Chat Acronyms

As most everyone out there knows, commenters and texters and chat-room lurkers use a wide range of well-known acronyms. LOL, BRB, and ROFL are just a few of the most common shorthand acronyms, and there are scads more. Most, unfortunately, are inappropriate for family-friendly blogs and such.

But did you know that Catholycs have their own set of acronyms too? It's true! IWNL2U!*

I've compiled a list of the more common ones -

BRB = "Bless Roy Bourgeios"
LOL = "Lost On Labyrinth"
LMBO = "Love My Barack Obama" or "Laughing My Birkenstocks Off!"
LMAO = "Latin Masses Are Offensive"
WWJD = "What Would Joan Do?"
FWIW = "Father Won't Invite Women!"
OMG = "Oh My Godde"
BTW = "Bless The Womynpreests!" or "Breaking The (stained-glass) Window"
IMHO ="Ignorant Male Hierarchy Opinions"
IIRC = "I'm In (my) Right Conscience" or "Infallibility Is Really Contrived"
AFK = "All For Kung!"
PSA = "Pantsuit Sale Alert!"
ROFL = "Reiki On Friday, Ladies"
ROFLMAO = "Reiki On Friday, Ladies. Meet After Oujia"
AFAIK = "All Faiths Are Identical, Kids"

Now here are some you've probably never seen before -

IFMCUFURS - "I'll Follow My Conscience, You Follow Yours"
IVMCUVURS - "I'll Vote My Conscience, You Vote Yours"
JDSL - "Jesus Didn't Speak Latin"
IDH2G2MES2BAGC - "I Don't Have To Go To Mass Every Sunday To Be A Good Catholic"
FRMcBL2GE - "From Richard McBrien's Lips To Godde's Ears"
DAR2BTP? - "Did Anyone Remember To Bring The Puppets?"
CUIHBTIAHUNO - "See You In Heaven Because There Isn't A Hell, Y'know"
IDNAAB4MAJBTCSS - "I Don't Need An Annulment Before Marrying Again Just Because The Church Says So"
ILUVAMHS - "I Love All Marty Haugen's Songs"
WURSPOP&BI&URSR4G - "Write Your Sins on a Piece Of Paper And Burn It And Your Sins Are Forgiven"

If you've got some to add, leave 'em in the combox.

*I Would Not Lie To You

Thursday, September 1, 2011

USCatholyc: Thumbs Up For Intercommunion!

Many of you probably avoid surfing the Catholyc publications because, well, you're sane, rational folks who know and love their faith, and choose to get your news from more reputable sites. And who could blame you? Why waste your time reading drivel from people more interested in weakening our Catholic identity than they are in strengthening it?

Plus - you got me to slog through the shallows and highlight the stupider stuff. Like this:

From USCatholyc, by Brian Cones (think Michael Sean Winters, but whinier) [my comments in blue]
The October issue of US Catholic has a Glad You Asked titled, "Can a Catholic receive communion in a Protestant church?" As if on cue, the pope's coming visit to Germany is drawing the same question from Protestants, who would like German Protestants and Catholics to be able to celebrate common eucharist.

While the Reuters story about the visit suggests that Catholic leaders are downplaying any hopes for a fuller recognition by Rome of the Reformation churches during his visit, and a major breakthrough is unlikely, I have a proposal: At one of the papal Masses, the pope should invite Christians of other churches who have "Catholic faith" in the Eucharist (many Lutherans do) to receive communion as a foretaste of our hope in full communion. [Here's an idea - exhort the country's Catholics to come to Mass and receive the sacraments, and reclaim their Catholic identity. How about that?]

Sound crazy? [yes, it does] I don't think so. The pope gave communion to Tony Blair, for example, before the former British PM became Catholic, and Catholic liturgical law does make provision for intercommunion in special circumstances. [I remember the kerfuffle over Blair receiving communion - but I also recall reading in several places (can't find them now, of course) that he only received a blessing. So I think to be more accurate, Blair allegedly received Holy Communion. Not only that, it occurred during a private Mass, not a Papal Mass. The circumstances are not synonymous.]

This would be a new step, but it would be welcome one for many Germans. [and Catholycs] Since it is an invitation to individuals, it doesn't require any further "recognition" of the churches of the Reformation. It would be up to individuals to present themselves. And since it's a special occasion--a papal Mass by a German pope on a state visit to his own country in the heart of Reformation country--it doesn't set a precedent. [A "special occasion" doesn't meet Canon Law requirements, me thinks. While Canon 844 allows for an exception "whenever necessity requires or general spiritual advantage suggests", I'll rely on the Holy Father's decision on whether this occasion provides a spiritual advantage, not Bryan Cones' opinion.] It's just a one-time opportunity for "separated" Christians to share together in a single Eucharist. [ah, rationalization. It's just "one-time". Who cares if it's just one time? Communion is the culmination of ecumenical journey, not the first step.] As GYA author Kevin Considine put it, intercommunion in this instance may allow us to gain the "needed grace" to push toward greater unity. [note: Considine's piece Cones refers to doesn't mention the Papal Mass. Here's the actual quote that Cones culls "needed grace" from: "The Second Vatican Council’s Decree on Ecumenism said that, as a general rule, common worship and eucharistic and other sacramental sharing should “signify the unity of the church.” But it acknowledges that such sharing can also be seen as advancing unity. In fact, according to the decree, “the gaining of a needed grace sometimes commends” it." More on that quote in a bit.]
So Cones' point is this: golly, we sure would look all friendly-like to the Protestants if we invite them to communion. So, why not? It might even get them to become Catholycs!

Well, being "friendly-like" at the expense of the Truth is how we end up with pregnant teenage girls, too. As in, hey honey, it's only "one-time". So it's a pretty poor basis for an argument.

As for the Considine quote: "The Second Vatican Council’s Decree on Ecumenism said that, as a general rule, common worship and eucharistic and other sacramental sharing should “signify the unity of the church.” But it acknowledges that such sharing can also be seen as advancing unity. In fact, according to the decree, “the gaining of a needed grace sometimes commends” it."

So I went ahead and read the Second Vatican Council's Decree on Ecumenism (Unitatis Redeintegratio), and this is where I found his excerpts from, in paragraph 8:
In certain special circumstances, such as the prescribed prayers "for unity," and during ecumenical gatherings, it is allowable, indeed desirable that Catholics should join in prayer with their separated brethren. Such prayers in common are certainly an effective means of obtaining the grace of unity, and they are a true expression of the ties which still bind Catholics to their separated brethren. "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them".(33)

Yet worship in common (communicatio in sacris) is not to be considered as a means to be used indiscriminately for the restoration of Christian unity. There are two main principles governing the practice of such common worship: first, the bearing witness to the unity of the Church, and second, the sharing in the means of grace. Witness to the unity of the Church very generally forbids common worship to Christians, but the grace to be had from it sometimes commends this practice. The course to be adopted, with due regard to all the circumstances of time, place, and persons, is to be decided by local episcopal authority, unless otherwise provided for by the Bishops' Conference according to its statutes, or by the Holy See.

I have found that the wording in Vat II documents to be somewhat squishy - one thing is said, followed quickly by something that seems to contradict what was just said. Which is another way of saying - any Church document or decree ought to be read many times, prayerfully, asking the Holy Spirit for guidance, or relying on authentic interpretation, in order to fully understand what's being declared. So if anything in my pithy analysis is incorrect or off the mark, it's entirely due to me not having done any of those things nearly enough, and not to any deficiency in the decree in and of itself. I defer to the Church's application of her decrees, not my own, and certainly not of those who write for USCatholic.

With that caveat -what I glean from paragraph 8 is that prescribed common prayers "for unity" are a desirable thing, and can be a means of "obtaining the grace of unity". But worship in common is not such a means. I don't see any reference to "Eucharistic and sacramental sharing", as Considine says. Which tells me the Council wasn't talking about the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. So that smacks of a bit of presumption on his part.

What makes it confusing - and thus easy to misinterpret - is where it says witness to the unity of the Church forbids common worship - and "Church" here specifically refers to the Catholic Church, I'm presuming - but the grace to be had from it sometimes commends it. In other words - don't have common worship, but should you engage in it, even though you shouldn't, pray for the unity of the Church, and grace may come from it anyway.

Okay - perhaps that just means that the Holy Spirit will grace what and who He wills, and only He knows the heart and intent of those participating. The Church is admitting here, I believe, as She's always admitted, that She doesn't control what God does. But I don't believe the statements mean that common worship - which Cones and Considine seem to have interpreted as "let non-Catholics receive Holy Communion" - is an authentic means by which these ecclesial communities will eventually achieve full communion with the Church. Full communion means much much more than that

The entire Decree on Ecumenism is 24 paragraphs long, and USCatholic is hinging their argument on a strained interpretation of a segment of a paragraph. I think they should pay attention to the opening of paragraph 24:

"This Sacred Council exhorts the faithful to refrain from superficiality and imprudent zeal, which can hinder real progress toward unity. Their ecumenical action must be fully and sincerely Catholic, that is to say, faithful to the truth which we have received from the apostles and Fathers of the Church, in harmony with the faith which the Catholic Church has always professed, and at the same time directed toward that fullness to which Our Lord wills His Body to grow in the course of time."
Intercommunion is a superficial means towards ecumenism. It is the ends of the ecumenical action, not the means. I don't think Cones understands that.